Effective methods of disciplining children
Disciplining children is one of the more important aspects of bringing them up and needs to be understood well and handled sensitively. Disciplining isn’t ‘meting out punishment’ and most of us are alive to this. In fact, the Latin origin of the word ‘Discipline’ points to ‘teaching’ and its effectiveness will depend considerably on how we approach it. This approach will depend substantially on the culture that exists at the school. As we know, the culture of a school is a system of shared values that determine how a school approaches all aspects of its functioning. While the basic principles of functioning of most schools remain largely the same, different schools approach them in very different ways, resulting in significantly different outcomes.
An example would perhaps better illustrate what I mean. Ensuring discipline is something all schools need to do. A school with a strict regulatory culture might approach this purely from the premise of an action being just right or wrong. It’d deal with the matter purely as a ‘reward/punishment’ issue.
Another school, with a transformational culture, would perhaps try and understand the context of the action and also the psychology of the child involved. It’d then proceed to figure out what course of action would best ensure the child would reform, or maybe even transform. Clearly, there can be a gulf of difference in the outcome in the two cases, caused by the difference in culture that exists in the two schools. All schools have their norms and rules. What’s probably of immense importance is the ‘spirit’ in which they interpret and administer them. And therein lies one of the biggest reasons for the difference between what different schools achieve. If there’s kindness, mutual respect, camaraderie, integrity, sincerity, resilience, and trust embedded in the culture of a school, it’d approach all its functioning (including disciplining) in ways that’d be significantly different from the way another school, where these attributes are at a premium, would. And what a world of difference this would make to the outcome!
One of the absolute prerequisites for ‘Disciplining’ is the quality of ’emotional connect’ that exists between the child and the elder/teacher/parent. The resultant respect and trust that the child feels in him for the ‘elder’ are at the very foundation of the process of disciplining, because effective discipline is about teaching and guidance and not about forcing the child to obey. It’ll help immensely if the child understands and believes that the aim is to foster appropriate behaviour in him so that he’s acceptable and well-liked by the society he’s going to be a part of when he’s grown up.
Once the above is in place, we must ensure the presence of a few aspects in the process of discipline. It needs to be timely, gently firm, fair, reasonable and consistent. Also, it’s imperative that children see in us all that we wish to see in them. Being role models isn’t easy, but for the sake of our children, we’ll need to be the best version of ourselves.
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